RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING
Kymberlee Ruff here again. Here is a wonderful article that gives some
signs when it might be time to seek relationship counseling here in
Santa Barbara. In this age where divorce is on the rise, psychotherapy
can be very helpful.
The Challenge of Marriage
There's no question -- marriage can be challenging. Maybe marriage
counseling should be something you register for when you tie the knot.
Much like a new set of dishes that gets scratched from constant use,
relationships can also show wear and tear over the years. So how do you
know if your marriage has hit a rough patch or it's something more
serious... requiring professional help?
Sign 1: Poor Communication
Martin Novell, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles,
urges couples to seek professional help when they aren't able to talk
about their problems. According to Novell, "When It's just too
frightening to even bring issues up -- from sex to money, or even
annoying little habits that are being blown out of proportion, a
therapist's job is to help the couple become clear about their issues
and to help them understand what they are truly talking about.”
Sign 2: Your Sex Life has Significantly Changed
Most feel that when there is a loss of intimacy, there are problems.
While this is true, it is also important to be mindful of a sudden
increase. Valerie Jencks, Founder and Executive Director of Prairie
Family Therapy in Chicago, warns that either an absence or a sudden
increase of sex in your relationship can signal danger. “If you have
not been having regular or passionate sex and all of a sudden your
partner behaves like a courting lover or wants to experiment with new
activities that s/he has never expressed an interest in before, it
could indicate that he is experiencing feeling of arousal that are not
originating from his relationship with you!”
Sign 3: Holding on to the Past
Silvia M. Dutchevici, the founder and President of the Critical Therapy
Center in New York City, suggests that it might be a good idea to talk
to a professional when there has been a traumatic event in your lives,
like the loss of a child or an affair -- and one partner cannot let the
past go. “Whatever the situation, every person processes trauma
differently.”
Sign 4: A Reoccurring Issue
“One type of red flag that usually can be greatly helped by therapy is
an issue that has been difficult in the relationship from the
beginning, but regardless of endless discussions, never seems to pass,"
explains Dr. Julie Gurner. “When you see that the same issues are
coming up again and again in disagreements, it is a good sign they are
not effectively being resolved and the couple is at a 'sticking
point.'” Dr. Gurner encourages couples to seek help to save “many years
of trouble down the road.”
Sign 5: Finances
Disagreements over money are one of the top reasons couples find
themselves in conflict. If your spouse keeps you in the dark about
family finances or feels You Still Love Your Spouse.
Sign 6: Kids
Yes, children are a blessing, but they can also add stress to your
marriage, especially if the two of you are not a united front. Clifford
suggests seeking counseling if you disagree with each other's parenting
styles and frequently argue about how your children should be raised.
“Think Katie Holmes -- and how she doesn't want Suri raised as a
Scientologist," states Clifford. "These are major issues that need to
be resolved.”
Sign 7: You Still Love Your Spouse
If you still love your spouse, really want to make things work, and
haven't been successful, then consider finding a counselor. Dr. Gurner
also stresses the point that you need to seek advice before things
escalate and you truly despise the other person. “Be a proactive couple
who strives to solve issues before they tear at the fabric of your
deepest bonds of trust and intimacy.”
If you still love your spouse, really want to make things work, and
haven't been successful, then consider finding a counselor. Dr. Gurner
also stresses the point that you need to seek advice before things
escalate and you truly despise the other person. “Be a proactive couple
who strives to solve issues before they tear at the fabric of your
deepest bonds of trust and intimacy.”
Whether you choose to seek
help or continue down your current path --
be aware that counseling does not “break couples up” or even “hold them
together.” As Silvia M. Dutchevici says, “Couples counseling is about
helping the couple communicate better and understand what is going on.”
By Jenny Tiegs
This article originally appeared on GalTime.com
Contact Information:
Kymberlee Ruff, MFT
1035a De la Vina St.
Santa Barbara, CA 93101
Phone: (805) 962-5564
Site: Kymberleeruff.com
Kymberlee Ruff, MFT © 2013